Whataboutism

what·a·bout·ism

ˌ(h)wədəˈboudizəm/

nounBRITISH

1 the technique or practice of responding to an accusation or difficult question by making a counteraccusation or raising a different issue.

Here’s the thing: there is so much “whataboutism” happening. I can’t even address it all. Whataboutism is when there’s an issue happening and people say things like “but what about ________?!?!” It’s dangerous because it’s often just an empty counter argument. Here’s my big issue. 

Most of us aren’t one thing or another. We can care about more than one thing at the same time. I am complex and care about multiple things, so I don’t really see the point of whataboutism. However, If that’s something you do, check your motives to make sure that what you are “what about” pointing to isn’t just YOU focused. So much of it is right now.

For example

Let’s look at John Chapter 12. Jesus loved the poor. It could be said that Mary loved the poor. But she poured VERY expensive perfume at the feet of Jesus because she loved Jesus. Judas complained that the perfume could’ve been sold to give money to the poor instead of wasting it on feet and the floor. “But what about the poor?” 

Sounds noble, right? 

But the Bible points out his heart in this situation. Judas didn’t give a flip about the poor in reality. He was stealing money set aside for them. So he was mad HE was missing out. Not the poor. He felt put out. He had to watch that go to someone else so he called it wasteful because it wasn’t his. “What about me?” would be more accurate. 

I’ve noticed that when money or attention go to certain things, people today do the same thing. Lately, they jump up and said “what about the veterans?!” My grandfather was a veteran and my husband is one. I’ve spent A LOT of time dealing in depth with veteran issues so I notice when someone says this. Alarm bells go off. I pay extreme attention to the person who said it. 

I wonder what does that actually mean to them? It could mean they themselves are veterans. It could mean they actually care about vets and see a specific need to address.  That’s rare. 

More often, It means that they are virtue signaling a cause that SEEMS more noble but have zero intention of following through with it. That’s usually the case. And yes, I can often tell. 

Most people are all about veterans until it comes time to fix the VA system. Until I, or others, point out actual things that need to change. I’ve spent years sharing specific things that can be done. Then these same whatabout folks jump up and give all sorts of reasons why we can’t do that. I’ve heard an awful lot of reasons why we can’t fix it after spending long days in the arena working on doing exactly that. 

To you whatabouters, I lovingly say, in the year of our Lord 2018, with all my heart: please stop. It doesn’t help. The military, US veterans, homeless, poor, or whatever the trendy whatabout group is, are tired of being useful only when you don’t like something else or when the attention is on someone else. The truth is, maybe it’s not a pure suggestion from you. If it is, give it it’s own weight. It deserves that. My favorite comedian says “check your heart” for laughs, but really, do it. We have to. Check your heart, homies. Check your deep motivation for whataboutism and you’ll likely stop doing it. 

Focus - subject to change

So much about parenting can be pretty neat, but knowing BOTH of my children read for fun... that’s good stuff. 

I hope it lasts. If it doesn’t, I still had this moment of knowing that reading was a joy for both of them. Ha! Can you believe Andrew can read?! SMALLS. That’s so wicked cool. Carson is so ready to jump into book 2 of Harry Potter. 

I know it goes fast. I should be sad, I guess. But I’m too blown away by who and what they are becoming to mourn too much the loss of times gone by. My biggest concern is making sure we treasure the time ahead and use it well. I’m so proud of who they are. I sometimes miss the baby snuggles, just for a bit, but I wouldn’t trade these awesome guys today for who they were. 

That makes me pretty weird, probably, because nostalgia is trendy. Maybe I’ll change my mind. I leave the option open. But Momma & Daddy didn’t constantly regale us of the stories of times gone by or guilt us for growing up.  They were very much in the present and still are. Makes me think about my own parenting style and what I want the boys to carry to their families one day. 

I know as a kid, people would say “I can’t believe how grown up you are!” And I’d think to myself “That’s what I’m supposed to do. Pay attention.” I’m guilty of that. It’s not them, it’s me. I just don’t want to miss it; I want to be in it. I don’t want my focus to be elsewhere and then I have graduating seniors. The days are long, but the years are short. I want to be completely here for it.

40 things because I’m 40.

40 things I’ve learned (mostly) in 40 years

1. The book is better. Movies can’t possibly record every nuanced imaginative notion of an author. They’d be 6 days long. 
2. My parents are right. Mostly. No one is perfect, but they’ve certainly tried. Don’t hold them responsible for me. Mostly. 
3. Puppy = antidepressant. 
4. Eventually your metabolism will go to crap. But I don’t really care enough now to stop eating good food. 
5. I’m extroverted, but I crave alone time. It doesn’t mean I don’t like people, I just also need time to fart. I’m a boymom.
6. Thinking out loud isn’t always bad. Just make sure the people around you are safe. 
7. Empathy & compassion are signs of strength. 
8. Laugh. A lot. Especially when it’s inappropriate to laugh. If you can’t do it right then, make a mental note and laugh later. Find the funny in every situation and you don’t need to like wine. 
9. Wine is overrated. 
10. Coffee is worth every second of hype. I love it. It’s a hug in a cup. Without coffee and mustangs, I wouldn’t have my husband. 
11. I have found the beauty and majesty of our creator in every season of the year. I like winter the most. It’s a quiet anticipation of the explosion of color that spring brings. It’s reflective, and full of longing. It’s advent, it’s the painful days before Easter, it’s cute boot and sweater season. 
12. I didn’t finish college and I used to regret that. I don’t anymore. I had tied it up in worth. I’m glad I’m not tied up in debt. 
13. Learn to appreciate art. Make things with your hands. 
14. Listen to music that makes you feel the way you want to feel. It can guide you there. 
15. Put your phone down. 
16. Sunscreen isn’t a bad idea and stay out of tanning beds. 
17. God is real. The power of God is real. I’m telling you because of what I’ve seen in my own life. Our lives. I grew up learning  about Christianity. Now I’m far more invested in knowing Christ. There’s a difference. 
18. Once you find incredible people - never let them go. Make them into your “framily”. Pray for them. Tell them how much they mean to you. 
19. Wild dance parties to loud music should take place weekly. Teach your kids that dance parties are essential to health and happiness. 
20. Learn to do something ridiculously well that you don’t make money with in any way. 
21. Money cannot be your focus to happiness. If you find yourself thinking nothing but having it, earning it, using it, managing it... go outside or something and breathe air. People will like you more. 
22. It’s ok to smile. It won’t crack your face. Speaking of face cracks - big deal. 
23. There is zero reason the rise of cauliflower should have been tolerated by the masses. It’s ok, but this hype is wild. Y’all if you want rice, eat rice. If you want pizza, eat pizza. Cauliflower doesn’t belong. 
24. Call Nana. Do it. You’ll wish you had done it more.
25. Don’t spend your time with people who crush your soul. It doesn’t matter who it is. Limit your exposure. 
26. Read nonfiction, watch documentaries, keep up with current events, current trends in industries you care about, and be aware of the world around you. 
27. Get the giggles with your kids 
28. Read fiction, read science fiction, read fantasy, watch movies that take you away from the world around you. 
29. Be willing to listen to people who have an entirely different background, race, religion, environment that you do. Ask questions. Learn. 
30. Listen to the music, read the books, watch the movies/shows that friends recommend. It communicates a lot about who they are. You don’t have to love it, but it’s a great way to show them love. 
31. If you think someone is smart, beautiful, hilarious, awesome - tell them. 
32. It’s ok to let people go from your life. Not everyone is meant to stay. Sometimes they are there for a season for a purpose. Be thankful for that time and what you learned. 
33. There are cruel people in this world. There are incredibly kind people in this world. Most people are a mixture of both. Humanity isn’t black and white. 
34. Stay classy. That means don’t air your madness on FB. Don’t give people the response they may deserve. Stay quiet if you can’t stay kind. The high road isn’t crowded for a reason. 
35. Sometimes my kids are smarter than me. That’s totally ok. 
36. Life is so dang short. Hug people. Tell them they matter. Look at them a little longer. Notice things. Don’t be a creeper, but just file special things into your memory. Mannerisms, things they say, etc. It matters later. 
37. Make up back stories for the idiot driver in front of you. It’ll help you see them differently and human. 
38. Many cooking sins can be helped by adding chocolate or cheese. Choose wisely. 
39. Kiss more. 
40. I don’t know nearly as much as I thought did when I was 20. 

After the Storm - The Rise Of RoboDad

Many have asked how Craig is doing. It’s been almost one week later, and he’s great. He does have some surgical muscle pain that is easing. Sometimes his low spine area hurts, but that can be tweaked with more programs in a few weeks. He still walks with a cane because his left leg is paralyzed below the knee. The cane is forever, but that’s ok. He has a collection of beautiful canes. The wheel chair is only in case of very long days. But even then, unnecessary. 

Mostly though, he’s totally fine. 

What I’m having trouble explaining is, how that feels emotionally. It’s surreal. A dream. We’re waiting for it not to work or the proverbial shoe to drop. After 12 years of an evil roommate named Pain that wrecked everything, it left. Bye Felicia. So we stand in the room after the door slammed, and just stare at each other. It’s weird to be out of a storm. The immediate calmness after chaos is so strange and lovely. A bit unnerving. 

In place of it, we see how God worked in every step. We’re very pro science, and I think God is too. The frustration of the sloooooowwww VA, was actually putting him in the perfect spot to get the newest technology that does so MUCH more. 

We’ve been blown away by the excitement of so many of you! That’s just overwhelming. Thank you! The boys are excited. It’s pretty awesome. We’re excited! It’s just a bit like discovering your wardrobe opens to Narnia. It’s INSANE. Ha! I see Craig fall asleep at night without pain and it makes me cry in gratitude and amazement.

We’re thrilled to have a pain free Thanksgiving! It’s the first without my Nana, so excitement and grief coexist, like in much of life. I want her to see Craig so very bad. I really hope she misses out on most stuff here (Heaven is far better without stuff here), but that’s an exception! 😊

God is so good. But I want to be very clear: God was good when circumstances weren’t. God was good when Fentanyl was our only hope (and that’s REALLY BAD STUFF, MKAY?), God was good when it was just a random Tuesday. He was good the day Craig got hurt in Massachusetts, the day surgeries failed, the days we cried with a Physical Therapist when insurance kicked Craig out again and again. God was good when the government was awful. He was good when they did the right things. God has been good through good, bad, beauty, and pain, because He can be nothing else. He’s the reason we have made it this far. Trust me: Fentanyl just about took us out. But God was there. He gave us strength, helped us keep on, and sent us the right people to help. 

I’ll never know why his timing is perfect now. Maybe he needed me to be able to write this to you. Maybe he wanted us to be where we are, to encourage others, to have the INCREDIBLE people around us that we’ve been given. Maybe Craig was supposed to shine like he has during the dark and again now in joy. It’s a compelling story. 

I have zero idea. If I thought like God does, I’d make the same decisions. But I certainly don’t have his mind or sight. I’ve absolutely lost my mess more than once through all of this. Buckets of tears, prayers, angry words at God... gosh I wanted to burn down the VA system. (And don’t get me wrong, that system needs to burn). I have often crumpled under the enormous stress. Craig sometimes crumpled under the enormous darkness that pain brings. It was bad. But God was still God. 

If I listed all the people I’m overwhelmingly indebted to, the list is gigantic. So many of you... I’m all teary. So MANY of you, nationwide, from Cape Cod, to California, homesweet home, and all over...in ways you may not even realize.  Our families, our Tribe, our incredible friends. You. You reading this. Thank you. This is a beautiful time to give thanks. 

TL;DR: Craig is doing well, we can’t believe it, and God has been here the whole time. Thank you. ❤️

The Worthy Pursuit

I am very verbal. The only two ways I think clearly are in talking and writing. That’s just who I am. So I need to write this down. 

When Craig was in the USCG, I learned the media gets stuff wrong constantly. After Hurricane Isabel in 2003, I learned that it’s because they are purposely told things wrong everyday. So since then, I view things like I would writing a paper. I confirm it from several very different points of view and try to formulate a semblance of truth based on that. It’s not entirely accurate. It can never be. There’s too many real versions out there.

Mostly what you hear is another form of CYA. We used to call it “spin” and that’s far more elegant than “Fake News”. It’s not all fake. It’s mostly true, but there’s a spin to it in the wording.  

We will likely never really know the complete and full details of everything that happened yesterday. Each person who was there or involved has a different viewpoint than others. That’s the case for anything. The news cycle is far too short for real journalism to sort through all of that. 

Just be careful for what you readily swallow entirely just because it’s “the news” or authority. You can listen, but understand nothing is all true, lots of it is spin, and some is entirely fake. The pursuit of truth has to matter though. Especially to Christians. 

Yesterday was horrific. Basically, there was a riot in our prison. Two wonderful guards died and more people are injured. There are so many other details about what happened, but the truth gets very muddy, even among those who were there. So many people were involved and there are so many points of view. Questions are worth asking for clarity, but you’ll get a lot of push back. You can push for truth and pray, no matter what happens in life. Action and prayer are not mutually exclusive. You can do both. 

Continue to pray with those in prison. Prisoners have no escape from the horror. They didn’t get to go home for a break, or hug their families, but Jesus is with them. He’s with each responder to the crisis, each family that anxiously awaited at home, and those that still do. He’s with those recovering and those grieving. He’s with those that can never talk about what happened. If that’s you, you might someday. It’s still hard for Craig. Please care for yourself, as well. Seek trusted counsel. You are not alone. ❤️

“Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Weighing Worth

The Pharisees were always trying to trick Jesus. Or perhaps find loop holes for themselves. We still try to use Jesus to justify our own actions. 

Love my neighbor as myself? Pfft. So is it just one person? The house on the right or left of me? I like them so that's ok. Who is my neighbor, Jesus? 

Jesus replied in a story. A parable. He often taught in common situations with far broader meanings. This time, he spoke of the overwhelming and irrational love of a Samaritan. (Luke 10:30)

They must've been aghast listening to it. Samaritans! Mixed race lowlifes. Every good Jewish person knew well to go the long way around Samaria instead of running through THAT area. Scum. They were dirty people. Probably dangerous criminals. Thugs. How's this thug the hero of the story? I cannot possibly love them as myself because that would require me to change how I view their worth. 

This isn't new. We assign worth regularly. Don't believe me? A while back, a post I shared on how to help families pay off school lunch bills went totally crazy. I was informed many times that these people weren't worth helping. Every year people flip out about extra school supplies going to other people. Often folks look in the bowl of others to complain about what they have, instead of making sure they have enough. Would we rather see terrorists come to know Christ or be blown up? Our reactions to these things say a lot about how we view God. Crazy, right? 

Jesus was pretty clear: this isn't about you at all. It's not about me, either. It's about loving God and loving others. It's about making sure you care for others the very way you would yourself. All others. Even those you  would deem unworthy. Aren't we all unworthy when it comes to God? 

As I learn more and more about following Jesus, I constantly see ways that I fall short. Truly, I am in desperate need of His grace, forgiveness, and mercy daily. I stink at loving others as much as myself. 

However, when we have a very obvious opportunity to stand for love and against hate, we shouldn't miss it. Our witness depends on us calling out hate & evil clearly. I cannot think of anything more evil than the mindset that captured and tortured my grandfather in WWII. The mindset that tortured and killed millions of Jewish people, homosexuals, mentally & physically handicapped, and anyone who isn't like them. The mindset that held millions of slaves, sold them as property, worked them to death, raped, beat, and hung people of color. Those who yelled against desegregated schools, complained about white and black couples, and those who threaten to drive through those protesting this very thought process.

These all weren't and aren't monsters. They were and are regular people, like you and me, who bought into a monstrous ideology. We do, too, every time we deem someone less. Every time we let the N word slip. Every time you dismiss someone for their skin, race, disability, who they love, or what they wear. Every time we see someone's worth as less than created in the image of God.

Love your neighbor as yourself - Jesus

Dig deeper

I understand how it feels to think Jesus is cool, but honestly, not really like Christians. I understand the dynamic of being deeply discouraged by the Church, the bride of Christ, but not knowing how to deal with it. I was there, years back. 

Christianity, as a term, has been deeply marred. It's not really defined in scripture, so it's an easy thing to have a "cultural Christianity" like here in the Bible Belt of the States. Sometimes, It seems you can be a Christian without knowing who Jesus is at all. Just vote the right way, or say the right things, and that's it. "Christianity" is loud on what it's against and you better be too! It's full of crap. I got so tired of playing church. I spent my time making people happy that didn't care if the world burned. 

Worldwide, those who claim Jesus are confused by that Western mentality. They call themselves disciples and It can be so costly to follow Him. Many have studied and memorized the entire gospel to share at every chance! If you spend time in the Gospels (which I encourage) you'll find a Jesus that looks so very different from cultural Christianity. The kind of Jesus that can change the world and wreck your understanding of what this looks like. 

Do I have answers on how to make sense of it here for you? Nope. I don't. All I know is that I when I looked for Jesus again beyond the mess of religion, He found me. He's worth looking for again. "Christians" won't understand you when you find Him. But that's ok. None of us know Him perfectly. Our small perspective cannot fathom His grandeur or the total scandal of His love and mercy. Reflecting it, even imperfectly, makes us look crazy. Snowflaky. Weird. Scandalous. But that's ok, too. The United States is a huge mission field. Don't assume that because people go to church they are followers of Christ. They need to know Him too. 

The church is flawed because it's full of flawed people. It's the hardest and best thing about it all. I'm continuously flabbergasted by people and then again by Jesus. He LOVES these fools? Yes, and this...this fool. More than I'll ever understand. 

It's worth the heart work. Jesus is worth it. He's probably not what you think. Look again. Dig deeper. Maybe check out a church tomorrow. Spend time looking for who He really is. You might be surprised.