Fantastic advice

‎"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive 

them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of

 ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people

 may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness,

 people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do

 today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the

 world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your

 best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and

 God. It was never between you and them anyway."

— Mother Teresa

Count The Blessings (PQW 11/23/11)

I love Thanksgiving! I love the whole idea of setting aside a time in our year to really focus on all of the great things we really have. If you are like most people (ahem, me), our day-to-day blessings sometimes get lost among the distractions of life. While the whole country seems to be full-steam ahead on the Christmas train, I think it’s so important for us to take the time to stop and be grateful for what we already have before we focus on all the things we want. Do you feel overwhelmed with Christmas? Taking the time as a family to discuss all the wonderful things you have been blessed with really puts all of the shopping at Christmas in perspective.

In my family at Thanksgiving, we take time before the blessing to go around the table and mention something we are thankful for that day. I was thinking of that recently and wondered what I would pick this year. As I went through a list in my head, I was humbled and overwhelmed. 

I am very thankful to be a Christian in America and free to worship my Savior in the church of my choice. I’m thankful that all the people who predicted “dooms day” this year were totally wrong. I’m thankful that I get to raise my children in the town I grew up in. I have a fantastic husband who has a great job in this economy that allows me to stay home and raise our children. It’s an even bigger blessing that he actually enjoys what he does for a living most of the time! I’m thankful there’s still a few TV shows left that I can stand to watch. I’m super thankful my son uses the potty now. I’m thankful to have a great relationship with my smart and funny parents. I even get along with my mother-in-law! I’m thankful the sun still rises, even on the days when I don’t want to. I’m thankful to be expecting our second son. His arrival will complete our family in a wonderful way. I’m very grateful for technology. It allows us to stay in contact with so many important people in our lives. I’m thankful for coffee. I’m thankful for those Magnum chocolate caramel ice cream bars. I’m thankful for my son’s preschool teachers.  I’m thankful for our home and vehicles and to have enough food to feed my family. I’m thankful for my sister, her family, and all the laughs that come from spending time together.

Even when you think life is pretty rough, there’s so many little things and big things to celebrate! When you count the blessings in your own life, let them over flow into the lives of those less fortunate. The food bank is always in need. Those handsome Marines in uniform would be happy to accept your Toys for Tots. Let your blessings bless others this year!

Bah Halloween! (PQW 10/26/11)

My least favorite holiday is Halloween. I know, stop looking at me like a party pooper. It’s super fun to dress up and pretend to be someone else. I majored in theatre, I get that part really well! If that’s where it ended, I think I would be fine with it.

I’m not a total curmudgeon. We do some trick or treating with our son, usually around the town merchants and at various “trunk or treat” harvest festivals at local churches. We let him pick out his costume and wear it around as much as humanly possible. Craig and I are also more than happy to welcome the influx of chocolate into our homes. Our 3 year old doesn’t need ALL of that chocolate and it is very important to teach sharing to small children. Especially sharing candy with his parents. Especially dark chocolate. Even more especially with his pregnant mother.

Ashlea's preference, if you are interested.

Trick or Treating when I was a child was a kid’s day. It consisted of Momma making our costumes or painting our faces and taking us around the neighborhoods where we knew everyone. Those houses had a jack-o-lantern eerily glowing and maybe a lady in a witch hat. There was a bowl of candy and friendly smiles from the door way. Amanda and I would chime in with our “Trick or treat?!” quickly followed by an exuberant “Thank you!” for the chocolate donation. Usually, the parents didn’t dress up and neither did the poor dogs. (Dogs hate that mess, by the way. There. I said it.)

It doesn’t quite look the same these days. That might be my problem. I’m stuck in the rose-colored days of yesteryear. These days, it’s not just a fun night for little kids, it’s a booming business for adults in naughty costumes and scary parties. I was even recently asked if I planned to paint my third trimester belly into a big pumpkin for the occasion. (That goes under “things not to say to a pregnant woman” which is another column entirely.)

Halloween is a commercial heyday these days that even rivals Christmas spending. You may have noticed that Halloween and Christmas have completely eclipsed Thanksgiving in many stores.  Why? Thanksgiving is a day that you take time to be thankful for what you have, not for what you are looking to get. The message from stores and the media is that you need to “BUY, BUY, BUY!” Candy, costumes, decorations, fake blood, etc to save the economy! Be American! Be ready to “BUY, BUY, BUY!” on Black Friday, too! 

I personally would like to see a return to the Halloween of old-ish. A friendly, slightly spooky time for kids to be kids, dressed up in alter-egos of every sort from princesses to astronauts & pilots. A time to get a little extra chocolate and skittles. A time to run around with friends before the sugar crash! I hope everyone stays safe this year. Pass me your dark chocolate.

                                                                                                                              

Trick or Treat?! :)

Pregnancy Faux Pas

If you have seen me around town, I’m sure you know by now that we are expecting our second child. Pregnancy is a wonderful blessing, but it definitely comes with some challenges of it’s own, best handled with a rip-roaring sense of humor. With those issues, I have to include the comments made by others. I’ve decided to write a (hormone driven) helpful list of dos and don’ts to assist those who are obviously inept in this area. Take this with a laugh and a rueful promise of dirty looks if you make one of these unfortunate mistakes near a gestating lady. Not to say that pregnant women are at all sensitive. I think we are much tougher than the average man with a cold. 

Please don’t blurt out things like “are you pregnant or just gaining weight?” That’s just abysmal manners. Not everyone happens to be blessed with your rock solid abdominal muscles and it’s not nice to call someone fat. Ever. Don’t brag about how you lost your baby weight overnight either. Please don’t ask if they know when the baby was conceived. That is flat out creepy. It’s fine to inquire when the baby is estimated to arrive (and do your weirdo math in your head). Please don’t comment on whether you think this baby will or will not make that day unless you happen to be her obstetrician. 

It’s not really your business if she plans to do a natural birth, breast feed, use cloth diapers, stay at home, return to work...etc. If she offers this information and you disagree with her decision, please smile and excuse yourself. Your uninformed critique is unnecessary. Many hours went into making the best decision she can for her family. Your off-hand negative remark does you no favors. You will be seen as enemy #1.

If you think a pregnant woman has gained too much or not enough weight or is showing too soon or not soon enough: Hey! No one cares what you think. Our situation is temporary and yours may not be. No, it is absolutely NOT OK to ask if a woman is pregnant with twins. It's also definitely not ok to say "No? Well you sure look like it." Well...you do too, sweets. What's your excuse?

If she happens to be pregnant with twins, triples or a whole stinkin' litter of babies, that news should be accepted with a delighted smile. Do not, under any circumstance, say something like "Oh my stars, you poor thing!" More than likely, this mother-to-be is nervous about what is to come...but more than that, enamored and already in love with her children. I always recommend against insulting children to their mothers. 

Sometimes pregnant women have acne. Not much can be done about it since most acne medications are unsafe during pregnancy. Comment on the “ happy glow” instead. That’s nicer.

If you offer to boil water after pointing at my belly, I will slap you. That hasn’t been funny since the dark ages. Older women used to tell worrisome husbands to go boil water when their wives went into labor to get them out of the way. So, If boiling water will get you out of my way, then knock yourself out. Just go do it.

Family planning is seriously no one’s business but the family that is doing the planning. Please butt out. I'm sure if the couple needed your opinion on how many children to have, they would ask you. 

Please stop scaring first time mothers with your labor horror stories. Also, don’t share if you popped out 12 babies in under 30 minutes. Every labor & delivery is different. I realize it’s a tale as old as time, but it’s wrong. My experience was the total opposite from every story I heard: good or bad. It did nothing to prepare me for the 1st time and that experience will not adequately prepare me for the second. Every pregnancy is different.

Things that are always appreciated: kindness, support, commenting on that lovely pregnancy glow, offers of free babysitting and gifts of diapers. Those are winners every time!

Rebel Reader! (PQW 9/21/11)

I’m proud to be an American! Sounds very patriotic. While I am a believer of the things that make our country good, I most appreciate the freedom we have here to think for ourselves. This month is National Banned Books month and I am thankful to be able to read them anyway.

Before you call me a naughty girl, I’d encourage you to Google the list of the 50 most banned books in our country. It’s likely you will agree with some of the choices (“The Anarchist Cookbook” will get you on a watch list). But others will leave you confused as to why they are there. Or you may not be familiar with a single one of them. Here’s just a few. 

One of the most challenged books in the history of the world is the Holy Bible. Surprised? Well, not if you have read it. Typically books are added to this list when they make the reader uncomfortable or have to look at themselves in a way they don’t really like. I’m a Christian and I’ve never been able to read the whole Bible comfortably either. It wasn’t written as a “feel good” novel. It was written to motivate change. I’m thankful to be an American because I own a few copies of the Bible in different versions and I can tell you that in a newspaper. Not every country is that fortunate.

“Huckleberry Finn” is another book that is always on a list somewhere. Mark Twain wrote the book to speak out against the racism he saw around him. It’s about a white boy and a black man who are friends. It’s banned because of the “N” word. That word makes us uncomfortable and people are afraid of it. You know what? They should be! But people who do not learn about history are doomed to repeat it. If you have not read that book, go get it right now; the unedited version. Let it bother you. Twain wanted it to bother you.

“The Lorax” by Dr. Suess. This book is about taking care of the Earth and speaking for the trees. Doesn’t sound so bad, now does it? Well...unless you happen to be a logger in California with political ties. Go read that book. Then plant a tree.

“The Diary of Anne Frank” has been in a fight for many years. Apparently, it’s too depressing. Yeah, so was the Holocaust. All those millions of people killed for basically no reason other than being different. Definitely depressing. History often times is depressing.

“Farenheight 451” by Ray Bradbury is a book about banning books. Yes, it’s on the list. Irony? Scary.

You may agree with many of the books on the list. Sometimes they are just not age appropriate. Some (Harry Potter) are targeted by religious/political groups. I encourage you to exercise your American freedom and read what you want. Think for yourself. Go visit the Public Library!

Hurricane Relief Request!

The OBX/Hatteras could really use your help. As you probably know, many people on the sound side have lost everything they have there due to flooding during Hurricane Irene.  Charities are hurting due to such a high volume of tragedies nation wide this year. Many initials donations were actually taken by tourists instead of the residents that so badly need them. If you can help out, please do so. Alliance Nissan & Performance Chevrolet are both accepting donations in the Elizabeth City area. Nautica Outlet is accepting in Nags Head, as well as many others. (If you know of others, please pass them on!) This is a great way to show love & support for people who are hurting. 

Here's the biggest list of needs I've seen so far:

* Laundry Soap!! * Safety Goggles * New Women's & Children's Socks * Shaving Cream and Razors (especially men's razors) * plastic storage totes with lids and label making supplies * Cleaning Wipes (clorox/lysol type) * bug spray * Size 18 months girls clothes * Hangers * small backpacks (for elementary/young children) W95 or tc-21c particle respirator Tyvec suits Plastic sheeting Rubber boots-knee high, sizes 5-14 shoes fans de-humidifiers Dog Food/Cat Food Rubber Gloves - WORK GLOVES! Hand Sanitizer Trash Bags & Contractor Clean Up Bags Bleach Paper Products and Disposable plates, cups and utensils Bottled Water Diapers, Wipes, Formula, Baby Items (shampoo, soap) - onesies, etc. School Supplies - paper, pencils, notebooks, etc. deodorant sunscreen shampoo and conditioner toys trash cans, laundry baskets coffeemakers, mixers, bowls Packaging Tape & Duct Tape Feminine Hygeine Products, clothing.

Thanks so much for your help!

9/11 Remembrances (PQW 9/6/11)

I was asked to contribute to the 10 year memorial article on 9/11 for our local paper. This is what I remember and how it has impacted my life since that day. 


My mom called me that morning and told me to turn on the TV. The 2nd tower had just been hit and I sat in stunned silence watching the rest of the day of horror unfold on my screen. In my grief, I saw a country come together in a way that I haven't experienced before or probably will again.  I watched the president speak later, vowing to fight against terrorism and I wrote in my journal that night that I believed that fight would never end. That America would always remember this day and never be the same. It has continued to impact my life as I became a military spouse and learned so much about Homeland Security and what the Coast Guard is doing as a part of that. We were stationed just down the road from a military cemetery in Massachusetts and we've seen the real cost of the war on terrorism in the lines of cars filled with mourners. I've walked the halls of Walter Reed overcome with emotion at just what we've sacrificed to keep the fight away from our own shores. In our worst recession in years, America is still so blessed we don't even notice a war that has lasted far too long, unless you hear an occasional news update. 10 years later, I believe the first part of my journal entry was very correct; the fight will never end. The second part, I'm not so sure. I fear America may have already forgotten that brutal day in the midst of her own issues at home.

Ashlea's Guide to Hurricane Preparedness :D

I've read a whole lot of hurricane confusion lately. Here's some advice from a friendly coastal North Carolinian that will hopefully help you cut thru the hype:

Don't panic, prepare. Panicking makes you really annoying and useless. Understand your weather guy. When they say "Landfall at 8pm", they are referring to the center (eye) of the storm. The storm itself is huge and doesn't wear a watch. I'd make no big plans for Friday thru Sunday. If you happen to see Jim Cantore in your area at any point, it’s over for you anyway and you can stop reading now. If your area tends to flood or you live in an unsafe area, don't wait to be told to leave. Make plans to do so and then do it. If you are actually told to leave, GO NOW. Also, plan to be gone longer than you think. (no one tells you that part.) Take your animals & your kids (haha!) with you as well as proof of address and the stuff you need to live. Be safe. :)

If you are planning to "ride it out" for the first time, welcome to the club. :) WAIT. Are you sure you can or are you just being lazy? Have you been told to get out? If so, I'm serious. Get out. If you are not under an evacuation order and are just being lazy, staying does not mean you get to sit around now. It's really not a good idea to evacuate during the storm, so evaluate your safety really well. 

If you are convinced you will be fine, keep reading. Check your yard for anything that might launch into someone else's windows. If you like your trampoline, take it down. Make sure you fill your bathtubs before the storm. I never did that until Isabel and we used that water to flush the toilets for 6 days. So for the love of community hygiene, DO IT! Make sure you have drinking water for every living thing in your family, pets included. Food for everyone! Don’t buy milk, that's dumb. Refill all medications. Diapers/wipes/formula! Antibacterial gel. Trash bags. A trusty saw for trees and branches later. First aid kit for after you use the saw. Fill up your car's gas tank, your propane grill tank and your generator, for you lucky souls that have one. 

GENERATOR NOTES: Please be smart. Don't run the thing inside and kill yourself. Don't hook it to the main, you could kill an electric company guy or random person. Don't try to run your whole house. Run only what you need to run. ie...NOT the TV. Try maybe the refrigerator. That'd be smart. 

Don't board up your windows with plywood with a little "Go Away Storm!" note on it. It's dumb and storms are apparently annoyed & taunted by it. 122 mph wind will whip your fancy handiwork off and send it hurdling into yours or someone else's house. Yes, you see people doing it on TV. You also see things like "Jersey Shore" on TV. Point made. Save your plywood to board up your house AFTER the storm is over. If you are concerned about your windows during the storm, tape plastic over them or just avoid them altogether. 

Plan for an extended time with no power. Isabel was the longest I've been thru at about 2 weeks or so. Plan for at least 3. Stock up on batteries and make sure you have a radio that takes them. Have flashlights. Be safe with candles. No one should have to come put your fire out in the middle of a Cat 3. Charge your cell phone. Have a corded phone that may possibly work when the power is out.

(NOTE: Don't call 911 unless you HAVE TO. Only if you or someone you love are DYING. Prepare to handle the emergency or die while waiting. It's not easy to get to you.)

Make sure you have food. If you have canned food make sure you have a can opener that works with no power. Duh.

What is the storm itself like? Bands of wind and rain will start first and then it becomes constant and much more powerful with time. It's loud. You might hear power transformers explode and projectiles hitting your home. It usually lasts HOURS, so have something to do! Storm watching is good in spurts but it gets boring. Have some board games, cards, etc. Captive audience family time is fun! I played many a hand of UNO with my parents & sister during hurricanes. Read while you have daylight. Nap. It’s good to have someone paying attention to the radio and outside. Be prepared for tornadoes. Yes, it sucks. Hurricanes spawn them sometimes. The eye of the storm is calm, btw...really freakishly calm. it does not mean it's over. Get your butt back inside. 

When the storm is really over & your power is probably out, check for damage outside carefully and sniff around for leaks. If all is safe, it's a great time to grill the chicken in the freezer. Invite your power/telephone guys for food. They are really tired and may have a tree on their own home. They might be from out of town. Show them love.

If you see a power line down, don't touch it. Don't. Just really...don't touch it.

Word to the wise: Do not, ever for any reason, say unkind things to the Coast Guard, FEMA, the people working to restore your power, telephone, directTV, tree on your house people or anyone working for the greater good of all. This did not just "happen to you". Your potty mouth will slow down the time it takes for ME to get MY power back and I'm going to come look for you as soon as I can. Especially if you are mean to my Dad or Bro-in-law. :) Be kind. Stay calm. Be patient. It’ll be OK. People have been doing this for ages here. Please pray the rain puts the wildfire out.

Randomly, just In case of more earthquakes?! This PSA is from my CA born & bred husband: Stay inside, get under a table or stand in a door way. Yep. That's it. No, you cannot track them.

Hurricanes are WAY more exciting! :)

*This is a fun but general list from my own memory and experience with years of storms. I probably forgot stuff. If I missed something important or you happen to know a cool thing to remember, COMMENT! :)

My Favorite Mistake (PQW 8/17/11)

August is a big time of change for many people right now.  Some are heading to a new school and some might be hitting the job market.  But today, I write about the August that lives in infamy.  It’s been 10 years since the August of my most naive, yet most important, mistake of all time.  The August I moved out for no legitimate reason. 

I had been in college a while, pursuing a lucrative degree of learned homelessness (Musical theatre, for those of you unfamiliar with the field).  It was fun, challenging, and exactly what I wanted to be doing.  But, I was starting to get the hint that the job market wasn’t exactly exploding in the performing arts.  I was starting to feel a bit of panic at what to do next.  I was starting to think about growing up. 

My sister was getting married & we, as a family, were all pretty involved in helping to remodel their future home.  Painting on top of a ladder gave me a lot of time to think, which is incredibly dangerous.  I was 23 and I really needed a change.  A friend of mine was heading to ECU to finish her Bachelor of Fine Arts and she needed a roommate.  I needed “grow up space”, so I figured, “why not?” 

Money, or the lack thereof, has never stopped me.  The day after my sister said her “I do’s” I packed up and headed to Greenville.  I fixed up my bedroom, blissfully free of the Holly Hobby couture that had haunted me at home since the age of 5.  I hit the pavement looking for work soon after moving and found myself completely out of my element.  All of the college-y jobs were taken by college students.  Other jobs expected applicants to have already finished college and majored in something somewhat relevant. 

I finally found a job managing commercial traffic for a radio station and even got to do voice work for commercials.  It was cool, but it barely paid the bills.  Grocery shopping was a nightmare.  My parents still sent me money, and I learned to budget like a mad woman.  Five months later, the station opted to lay me off and hire interns that wouldn’t require benefits.  It was a crushing blow.  I packed up my little room, bid my friend goodbye, and headed back to Hertford with my last $60, which was robbed from me flamboyantly with a brick through my car window.

A terrific mistake by all accounts, the 6 months I spent “on my own” taught me a lifetime of skills.  I learned to budget, I learned to shop, and I learned that my ideas are not even close to being as fabulous as God’s plan for me.  I crawled back home to Mom & Dad as someone who had made a big mistake, yet learned a powerful lesson.  I had grown up more than I thought possible.  My favorite mistake shaped me into me. 

Unplug! (PQW 7/20/11)

As I write, it is  a beautiful NC summer morning; not too hot, not too humid.  A rare treasure for sure.  I got the slip’n’slide out, hooked up the hose, and brought out towels. I sprayed my son & myself down with a heathy dose of SPF and drug out one of my trusty lounge chairs and a magazine.

My son, like any 3 year old would be, was super eager to start splashing down the slide. I was eager to watch and relax for a while.  I mean, water is great entertainment, right?

Well, was I surprised!  My son was done with it after maybe 20 minutes.  He complained of being wet.  Um?  I tried debating him on the pros of continuing along in this activity, but when he makes up his mind, it’s over.  So I reluctantly pulled myself out of my chair and turned off the hose.  I wrapped him in a towel to remedy the wet complaint and invited him to sit in a chair on the back porch while I got us a snack.

I returned almost immediately with fresh pineapple chunks and cold water and we settled in to the nice breeze off the cotton fields, our ceiling fan, and enjoying the sounds of the wind chimes...ahhh.  “Momma, we need a TV out here.”  WHAT?  Oh my heavens, I have failed.  No, honey.  We don’t need a TV out here.  It’s so nice sitting outside like this in the quiet.  My son replied with “It’s nice inside too...with the TV on.” 

Thoroughly disgusted with his obvious addiction to technology, I whipped out my smart phone and posted his quirky quip on Facebook.  At that moment, I realized the real horror of it all.  I’m addicted too!  I wasn’t raised that way.  What in the world happened? I was the kid who was always outside playing or running through the woods.  I had a TV in my room growing up, but it was in my closet and not hooked to cable.  I love to read and listen to wind chimes.  I just cannot be addicted to technology. 

I’m still on my back porch, by the way.  With my laptop.  My son is sitting near me, bored.  He’s dunking his hands in his cup of water and complaining, sighing like my dad and flicking the drops away.  I’m snickering to myself.  No, I haven’t let him go in yet. I’m mean.  I want him to figure it out and see the beauty of just enjoying the outdoors.

Glory be. It happened!  My son got bored enough that he grabbed a bottle of bubbles and is now happily running through the yard with the dog.  Not bored anymore!  Just because many of us have succumbed to some type of dependence on technology for our entertainment doesn’t mean we have to be connected every second.  I’m signing off for a bit.  Who knows how long the bubbles will last?

Cape Hatteras is worth the climb! (PQW 6/1/11)

Recently, my mother-in-law came to visit from California. It wasn’t her first visit, but anytime she heads east, we try to do something she’s never done before in North Carolina. This year, we took her to Cape Hatteras and Ocracoke. She’s a big fan of light houses and got to see three of them, including Bodie. 

Cape Hatteras Lighthouse is open to climb now seasonally and we went on the first day it opened. Turns out, my son is too small to climb it and you are not allowed to carry a child up like I had originally planned to do, so we adults took turns climbing the lighthouse and playing with the little guy.

I’m in my early thirties and have considered myself to be relatively fit and in good working order for the most part. That was flawed thinking. But I didn’t discover the error until I was about 200 steps into the total 257 steps and fervently praying to God to let me live to see the view. My leg muscles were on fire! I reminded myself to thank whoever made the rule that I could not carry a 33 pound three year old up on my hip. Sheer genius. I kept reminding myself that Craig had just climbed it in record time with one working leg and a cane. If he could do it, surely I could manage. Of course, he didn’t jog up the first 100 steps either. By step number 240, I was completely convinced I would need to be lowered down in a rescue basket, but I was positive it would be easier for them to do that if I could just get to the top. Must get to the top!

Finally, I made it. I stepped out into gale-force winds and one of the most breath-taking views I have ever seen. I was actually a bit dizzy looking out from that height. (let’s be honest, it was the stairs.) I whipped out my camera and took a gazillion pictures. I didn’t want to miss a thing because I had already planned to never ever climb those steps again. I struck up a conversation with a guide in hopes of postponing my decent. I learned that on a clear day, you can see forever! Well, at least 20 miles out or so. That’s incredible!

After about 15 minutes, I decided that I missed my family and needed to go back down. I found that going down stairs is way easier! I got to the bottom and looked back up at the top and felt a new love for that lighthouse. What a true beauty it is! Can you imagine the leg muscles of the lighthouse keepers?

My mother-in-law had a fantastic time in Hatteras and here in NC in general. Already thinking up what we might do on her next visit. Craig and I have decided, that whatever it is, it probably will not have stairs.

Here's the Buzz! (PQW 5/4/11)

My son has recently entered the stage of being scared of bees. He doesn’t like other “bugs” either but I actually take offense to a dislike of bees. Bees, mainly honeybees, have been a part of my life in some way for longer than I can even remember. My dad was a part-time beekeeper for many years and came to speak to schools and extension offices. Before building the house in Hertford, we had honeybee hives right behind our home in Elizabeth City. My parents would find me sitting directly in front of the hive, mesmerized by the traffic in and out of the hive. Honeybees would land on me, but I didn’t mind and they didn’t bother me. Sure, I’ve been stung before. But it hurt the honeybee more than me. I’d like to give you all some nerdy honeybee facts to take with you to impress your friends.

First of all, honeybees sting. They could never bite you. Their mouths are far too small. Also, when they sting, the stinger is left in you along with the venom. You should always scrape it off instead of grabbing it. You don’t want to squeeze in more venom. When the stinger detaches from the honeybee, it pulls out part of the lower intestines and kills the bee. So it’s pretty much impossible to be stung by the same honeybee more than once.

Honeybees are the only way we get real honey. They make it by collecting nectar from flowering plants, digesting it and then regurgitating it into honeycomb as honey. Yum, right? Things you wish you didn’t know! You are welcome.

Honeybees tell other worker bees they have found nectar by doing a dance in front of the hive. It’s in a figure eight shape and tells the other workers the direction and how far away the flowers are. Also, all honeybees you see in your flowers are females.  The male bees, called drones, have only one purpose – making babies, and then they are kicked out of the hive! There’s usually only one queen per hive. She stays in the hive laying eggs. 

Those big bees you see flying around? Those are Carpenter (or Boring) Bees. They do not have stingers but do have terrible vision and will run into you. They are fairly harmless to you but will bore holes into your home or deck. You can hit them with a tennis racket, but it's way more effective to treat your house or deck with an environmentally safe "bee repellent."

Everyone should be extremely concerned with the well being of honeybees. Especially if you are like most people and like to eat. Hive Collapse is a serious problem and not getting much press! Honeybees are dying out and no one is completely sure why. Bees pollinate most of the plants we eat and without them we stand to lose many vegetables and fruits. Farmers are concerned and you should be too! Please be cautious of the pest control sprays you use outside and call a beekeeper for swarms. Be sure to buy 100% honey (local if you can). Some companies including Haagen Daaz and Burt’s Bees support Hive Collapse research. Be kind to honeybees because we really need them! Definitely friend and not foe. That’s the bee buzz!

The Importance of Being Inquisitive (PQW 4/6/11)

I am the current victim of an inquisition that would make the Spanish of olden days weep and beg for mercy. I am held hostage day in and day out and asked an endless barrage of questions that are sometimes pointless and often times I don’t even know the answers. I am the mother of a 3 year old.

Some of you may feel my pain. You may understand my sigh and prayer for patience as I navigate my day of to-dos and traffic while being bombarded with seemingly unanswerable inquiries concerning the future whereabouts of the truck that went by or the farmer missing from his tractor in a field. A simple “I don’t know” doesn’t seem to work, so I have to invent a purely fictitious account of how the day is spent for people I don’t know and will never meet.

Then there’s the other kinds of questions ranging from “why does it rain?”, “Why is the sky blue?” to “What makes it so airplanes can fly? and “Why is the sun up?”. By the seat of my pants, I have quickly explained the notions of the water cycle, how light works in the electromagnetic color field, aerodynamics and the rotation of the earth. Thank you very much, but it’s all in a day’s work.

Granted, I don’t have to. I could easily tell my son that God made it rain and leave it at that. But if he’s asking questions, that’s my time to teach. God does make it rain and the water cycle is how it happens. It’s important to be inquisitive. It definitely drives me crazy some days, but I just keep answering. I know that if it wasn’t for questions, I wouldn’t know very much at all. 

I have to be ready for the follow up questions after my explanations. After all, this little guy is carrying some big brains. For this reason among many others, I really believe you should have to take a class or get a separate degree just to have children. Just so you have the tools to answer all of these queries. 

I’m very thankful for technology in ways I have never been before. Even my phone has the power of Google right at my finger tips. Many think it’s for business types to use at work, but parents know the real story. It’s so we don’t look like complete idiots in front of our children. So now instead of saying “I stink at math and don’t exactly know how fast you’d have to run before you would take off with your Superman cape on.” I can Google it. All while telling him to stop practicing in the house! 

Sounds of Spring! (PQW 3/16/2011)

Ahh, the sounds of spring! Have you heard them? The birds are singing and I hear my wind chimes. I’ve even heard a few tractors rumbling into the field for the beginnings of the growing season. Spring is probably my favorite. Not allergy wise, definitely. I suffer greatly for my favorite season, just like many of you do. But after a long and cold winter though, it is really refreshing to hear the sounds of life starting up around me.

I have another favorite sound of spring though. Recently, while I doing some spring cleaning, my son and husband were in the garage and I heard the distinct sounds of the rumbling 289 engine in our “warm weather car”. My husband still has his first car, a 1967 Mustang Coupe, in our garage and it’s my favorite car in the world. It has belonged in his family for almost 30 years and Craig and his Dad worked together on it. He drove it throughout high school in the Southern California town that he grew up in. It still has the original California plate in the front. It was Ford’s springtime yellow back then.

In 2001, Craig’s dad had it painted silver blue with white racing stripes and shipped it across the country to NC where Craig was stationed in the Coast Guard. In April of 2002, the sweet sound of that car changed my life when I heard it pull into the parking lot of Muddy’s Coffee Shop in Elizabeth City. That distinct mustang sound got my attention for sure. It was so pretty and the owner so handsome that I just had to talk to him. That car is pretty special, you see. Craig still tells people he picked his wife up with a car.

The rest is history, as they say. But the sound of that engine still gets my attention. It doesn’t have heat or even a radio, so it’s usually just a warm weather treat. We ride and listen to the ponies run. It doesn’t have air conditioning, so I sport the “windblown” look whenever I ride in it. It doesn’t have a key fob with automatic locks. It doesn’t even have power breaks, so it literally takes all that is in me to stop that thing. I don’t drive it much for that reason.

But what it does have is a special place in my heart and in the heart of my family. My son absolutely adores “Daddy vroom car”. We were thrilled that his child seat fits in the back. In 1967, child safety seats weren’t exactly what they are now. It’s like a mini vacation when we pile into the car for an ice cream treat, a Sunday drive or especially a cup of coffee.

So now that spring is almost upon us and you are enjoying your favorite sounds of the season, listen for a distinct vroom. And be sure to wave when you see us go by!

Get Happy! (PQW Feb)

This time of the year is probably my least favorite. Dreary, cold, and everyone seems to be sick. Everything looks dead and everybody has a serious case of the blahs, am I right? 

In light of all of that depressing stuff, a friend of mine on Facebook recently got her friends to help compile a list of stuff that makes them happy. I thought it was interesting to see how simple most of those things were. Many seemed to be universal and some were very personal. Some people, especially Americans, seem to think that happiness is a goal in which we must strive to reach or are entitled to receive. We spend too much money and time in it’s pursuit.  In reality, it is found more in our state of mind than in our circumstance. It is found in the simple rather than the expensive.

For example, here is a list of some of the things that make me happy, in no particular order:

*Time spent laughing with and at my family. Super easy to do. I mean, have you met them?

*Date night. Before children, I had no idea it would be so important. It’s a rare and sacred bird for sure.

*Uninterrupted book time. I fall asleep many nights on a book.

*Having an idea for a newspaper column!

*Freshly turned dirt in the spring. You can tell I was raised in a farming community! The smell of dirt always does something to my brain. Dirt is in my blood. That sounds yucky, but if you have it, you understand what I mean! 

*Inside jokes with good friends. I am a lover of all things funny, but inside jokes are special. It’s like a code between you and someone else that sounds dumb once explained to others.

*Watching my son succeed at something. That almost surpasses happy. That’s a deep joy.

*Good hot coffee and sweet iced tea

*Open windows on a nice day

*Hammocks

*Helping others.

My “happy stuff” might be way different than yours or we might have lots in common. Making a list of things that brighten my life has brightened my mood and I just might make it till spring! If you are stuck in the winter doldrums, give it a try! Think simple. 

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne

How sweet it is...

Hope you all have a nice Valentine weekend! Not doing anything really special here. I don't really care for the commercialization of forced romance. Bah humbug. I know I sound like a jerk. Craig does sweet stuff all the time and I really don't need a Hallmark day and crowded restaurants.


I learned all I needed to know about Valentine's Day the first year we were married. Our very first Valentine's day was spent with me recovering from a foot operation that required them to re-break my foot and insert a pin. I was on crutches & in pain. Then Craig accidentally sat on my glasses and I was rendered blind as well. I could not stop laughing! It was about as far from romantic as you could get and I thought it was hilarious. The only individual with romance on the brain was my dog, who went into heat before we could have her altered. It was a fantastic day had by all. Craig, who has a great sense of humor, managed to salvage the day by making me dinner and dramatically presenting me with a pretty heart necklace. We ate a ton of chocolate and watched TV together.  It's the stuff that memories are made of.


This year is fun in a much different way. We are making valentine's for my son to take to preschool for all of his friends. That made me think. I don't need a special Hallmark day to show Craig how much I care, but it's a great day to remind me to tell my family & friends how much they mean to me. That will be my focus this year.


I love you all. God bless you all. Happy Valentine's Day!

Attention Deficit!

Ever notice how when you really need to concentrate on getting something done, the whole world seems to conspire against you? It’s kind of like you become the main target for distraction. 

I’ve had a day like that today. I’ve been working on a speech for church. It’s long and I really need to have my thoughts organized, which if you have met me, you know that’s a hefty feat to accomplish in of itself.

I sat down this morning while my little one was at preschool and attempted to write. I made some significant headway, but then doubt crept up. I decided I didn’t really like it and didn’t know how I’d finish it anyway in that direction, so I started over.

Well, I tried to. After early success, I ended up sitting with my laptop curser blinking at me for about 10 minutes, so I decided to check facebook. I was sucked into that for 20 minutes and then it was time to get my son.

After that, I’m doing lunch and getting him settled down for a nap. I decided to listen to some music to get my thoughts focused again, and I found a song I liked and danced around the living room, singing.

Ok, refocus again. Any ideas? No. But that song was sure fun, let’s sing it again. Time to check Facebook and throw out some silly tidbit from my brain. My brain has no shortage of sound bites, just nothing worthwhile for a speech.

Back to the speech again. I have an idea, but it peters out about 2 paragraphs in. Start over. I found a quote I want to use but I can’t seem to work it in, so I decide to look for other quotes. Before long I’m laughing at Bugs Bunny cartoons on YouTube. How the heck did that happen?

Refocus again. Maybe this time I have something worthwhile. Typing along pretty well when I need a bathroom break. To my horror, I discover that my 3 year old son was not asleep like I assumed, but in the bathroom playing in the litter box under the sink.

Ok...you know what? I still have time to work on the speech and it’s obviously not happening today. I cannot work in these conditions! So, I’m going to spend the rest of the day doing some fun stuff and maybe...just maybe there is a part of my brain still swirling out speech ideas and I’ll get hit with inspiration soon!

Fly Boys! (PQW 1/19/11)

I like stuff that flies. I prefer to watch it from the ground though. Nothing wrong with flying, I guess. I will fly if I have to and have many times. But I have a real case of “feet on the ground” syndrome most of the time. When I do fly, I like really big passenger jets. Super big. I would not want to fly in something small.

I do love an air show though. If you have never been to one, I really think you should check it out. Bring ear protection, and head up to NAS Oceana sometime for some loud fun with the Blue Angels. It will blow your mind!

Our family is pretty big into aviation. My husband, Craig, was a flight mechanic on the HH-60 helicopter in the Coast Guard until he was seriously injured in 2005. He still works on helicopters, but as a civilian and from a desk now. Craig really misses his flying days and search and rescue missions. Both of us have grandfathers who worked some in aviation, too. My grandfather Williams was a mechanic on the CG Albatross long ago and Craig’s Grandpa Norm was a WWII test pilot and has wild stories. Our son is absolutely bonkers over anything with wheels & engines, but especially wings or rotor heads! Possibly another generation of aviation zooming through our living room. 

I enjoy living places where I can see the occasional something fly by. When we were stationed in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, we lived on an Air National Guard Base that had  a Coast Guard Air Station and Air Force F-15’s. Craig and I would sometimes plop lawn chairs in the front yard and watch the F-15’s roar overhead, ducking and running from each other in mock dog fights. Super cool stuff! We were awakened several nights to the roar of a C-17 turning up on the runway. Of course, we had the Coast Guard helicopters and Falcons to watch as well. It was like living at an air show. It took me a while to get used to all the noise, but I sometimes miss the sound of afterburners now. 

I have to say we really have it great where we are now. Surrounded by fields in Perquimans County, we probably get the coolest type of flying there is: Crop Dusters! It’s really amazing to me how they manage to stay in the air. Watching them dust the fields around our house, I’ve occasionally wondered if I should put Farm Bureau on speed dial. Absolutely daring dives and pulling up at the apparent last minute over the trees...better than stuff I have paid to see. It’s thrilling! My son just loves those bright yellow aircraft. They are impressive pilots. If you can’t make it to NAS Oceana, stop and watch a crop duster. Worth the price of admission!

Need a "Do-Over"? (PQW 1/12/11)

Happy New Year! How many of you made New Year’s resolutions? How many have you messed up already? How many of you are too jaded to even bother? I can identify. Sometimes the New Year fills me with hope of change. Sometimes it overwhelms me with expectation. We all have stuff we’d like to fix about ourselves because none of us are perfect. I’m so thankful that God loves us anyway. I am deeply grateful for mercy. 

I had to go to court today for a speeding ticket. I think court is a fascinating place for people watching...and no it wasn’t my first visit. It’s interesting to watch people walk in. Everyone has a guilty look on their face, especially in traffic court. I always try to appear casual, nonchalantly reading my book, like I wandered into court purely for the ambience. I fool no one, I’m sure. 

Once again I was caught for being in a hurry with no real good reason. I hoped to talk to the Assistant DA to have the ticket reduced, so I wouldn’t have to pay for my transgressions for years to come. As it came closer to my time at the front, I realized how much I needed mercy. I needed the ADA to look upon me with favor that I definitely didn’t deserve. I didn’t have anyone to take my place...it was just me and the ADA. 

He asked me what I did wrong and I confessed to speeding. Sure I had all kinds of fabulous excuses but they didn’t really matter, so I didn’t bother. I was guilty. I knew it, he knew it and anyone who has known me for any length of time at all would know it. He did some scribbling that I couldn’t see while I held my breath. He reduced it! I said thank you and refrained from hugging him. I paid my ticket and walked out a free woman! 

I’ll do my very best to be good from now on. Cruise control is my friend. I wish I had it for all of the other aspects of my life, since being perpetually hurried is not my only flaw. I’m sure I’ll mess up in some respect again (maybe even before I finish writing this column), but I know that God’s amazing grace forgives me and lets me be a free woman again. You don’t need a ball to drop in New York City to get a fresh start on life. 

I wish for you all a Happy New Year full of blessings, mercy and ample opportunity for “do-overs” because we all need them. 

Also, don’t forget to set your cruise control.