If you have seen me around town, I’m sure you know by now that we are expecting our second child. Pregnancy is a wonderful blessing, but it definitely comes with some challenges of it’s own, best handled with a rip-roaring sense of humor. With those issues, I have to include the comments made by others. I’ve decided to write a (hormone driven) helpful list of dos and don’ts to assist those who are obviously inept in this area. Take this with a laugh and a rueful promise of dirty looks if you make one of these unfortunate mistakes near a gestating lady. Not to say that pregnant women are at all sensitive. I think we are much tougher than the average man with a cold.
Please don’t blurt out things like “are you pregnant or just gaining weight?” That’s just abysmal manners. Not everyone happens to be blessed with your rock solid abdominal muscles and it’s not nice to call someone fat. Ever. Don’t brag about how you lost your baby weight overnight either. Please don’t ask if they know when the baby was conceived. That is flat out creepy. It’s fine to inquire when the baby is estimated to arrive (and do your weirdo math in your head). Please don’t comment on whether you think this baby will or will not make that day unless you happen to be her obstetrician.
It’s not really your business if she plans to do a natural birth, breast feed, use cloth diapers, stay at home, return to work...etc. If she offers this information and you disagree with her decision, please smile and excuse yourself. Your uninformed critique is unnecessary. Many hours went into making the best decision she can for her family. Your off-hand negative remark does you no favors. You will be seen as enemy #1.
If you think a pregnant woman has gained too much or not enough weight or is showing too soon or not soon enough: Hey! No one cares what you think. Our situation is temporary and yours may not be. No, it is absolutely NOT OK to ask if a woman is pregnant with twins. It's also definitely not ok to say "No? Well you sure look like it." Well...you do too, sweets. What's your excuse?
If she happens to be pregnant with twins, triples or a whole stinkin' litter of babies, that news should be accepted with a delighted smile. Do not, under any circumstance, say something like "Oh my stars, you poor thing!" More than likely, this mother-to-be is nervous about what is to come...but more than that, enamored and already in love with her children. I always recommend against insulting children to their mothers.
Sometimes pregnant women have acne. Not much can be done about it since most acne medications are unsafe during pregnancy. Comment on the “ happy glow” instead. That’s nicer.
If you offer to boil water after pointing at my belly, I will slap you. That hasn’t been funny since the dark ages. Older women used to tell worrisome husbands to go boil water when their wives went into labor to get them out of the way. So, If boiling water will get you out of my way, then knock yourself out. Just go do it.
Family planning is seriously no one’s business but the family that is doing the planning. Please butt out. I'm sure if the couple needed your opinion on how many children to have, they would ask you.
Please stop scaring first time mothers with your labor horror stories. Also, don’t share if you popped out 12 babies in under 30 minutes. Every labor & delivery is different. I realize it’s a tale as old as time, but it’s wrong. My experience was the total opposite from every story I heard: good or bad. It did nothing to prepare me for the 1st time and that experience will not adequately prepare me for the second. Every pregnancy is different.
Things that are always appreciated: kindness, support, commenting on that lovely pregnancy glow, offers of free babysitting and gifts of diapers. Those are winners every time!
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