Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down
(-Tom Petty)
True Confession: I did NOT want to go to church this morning. Have you had those times? I had a lot of solid reasons few people could argue. First, I didn’t sleep well at all. Maybe 3 hours total. What if I fell asleep in church? So embarrassing. How can I pay attention when I’m so tired? I probably won’t get much out of it. Second, I had a massive sinus headache and it was raining. I mean, that alone is enough. Headache was so bad I laid my aching head on a hot compress and watched the rain outside my window. My church has a weird parking lot that floods. I mean, why go? It’s unusually warm for October and feels muggy and gross. My naturally curly hair will look like I put my fork in a socket. Third, I’m admittedly struggling in the church department lately. It’s been a hard year for a lot of people for a variety of reasons. I carry that and my own thoughts of distrust and feeling like I don’t belong. All of these things together would easily keep me home. In fact, I haven’t been to church as much recently because of it. If you can’t tell my this whole thing so far, I can make excuses like nobodies business. You need one? Hit me up.
But last night, I decided I wasn’t being the kind of parent I wanted to be. My kids needed to be in church and I needed to go. My husband opted not to this week and that’s totally ok, too. It’s just harder to make myself.
So as I prepared Saturday night to set my mind on church, I kept thinking about the hard things that hurt and have left wounds. I was juggling so many excuses and arguing with myself. I finally decided I needed to stand my ground against that kind of thinking, which got me singing the Tom Petty song, “I Won’t Back Down.” I was amused by it last night, but now I think God used Tom Petty to make a point about my life.
Can God use rock music to pull someone back to him? Oh you better believe it. Plus, I laughingly thought about how God has a thing for rocks. I thought about rock music and church as I waited impatiently for coffee (quad shot) and grumbled about the boys arguing in the back seat. I turned up the music.
We got to church and the parking lot wasn’t flooded, I had caffeine flowing through my veins and waking up my brain a bit. I got to sit with a friend and I remembered Rob was speaking about 1 Peter. Peter… the rock. Peter, my favorite disciple because he was impulsive, outgoing, flighty, and later, entirely sold out for Jesus. Peter helps me feel less alone in a world of better disciples with obvious directions. I feel unmoored a lot and especially this year. Ah, Peter. What can you teach me today? I’m directionless and feel like there’s no place for me. I don’t usually ask for signs, but I need one. I don’t know what to do next.
A little background is needed here. Last year, I decided I’d write a book. Actually, I decided I’d write a book a really long time ago, but last year I decided what it was going to be about…kind of. It started to take shape a bit in my mind. I did not write a book, in case you suddenly wondered if you missed it. In fact, I wrote a few titles and a practice acknowledgements page and nothing else. Why? Well. excuses A-Z, but mainly it’s a lot of work. I do know that it’ll be about the memorial stones in Joshua 4.
If you don’t remember it, here it is.
“and (Joshua) said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.””
Joshua 4:5-7
Why do you need to know that? Well, I was singing Tom Petty to myself about standing my ground, thinking about rock music, the message was on Peter - the rock, and the verses were 1 Peter 4-10, which say stones a whopping 6 times. Read it here!
“As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, “The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone,” and, “A stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall.” They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”
1 Peter 2:4-10 NIV
I don’t think it’s about the book, though. (Ok not entirely.) I think it’s God doing what God does. Reminding me of the times he has been so faithful. Reminding me to look around and see what He has done. Reminding me that life is hard, but he isn’t out of the picture. The best is always yet to come, even if that best is in Heaven. Life is hard, but there is no easy way out. However, I’m not alone. I’m empowered by the Holy Spirit. Peter, the rock, says we are a chosen priesthood. Precious stones.
So what does it all mean? Well. I’ve been letting things push me around mentally. Satan is a bully, honestly. I need to stand my ground. It’s time for me to get back to being the me that could stand at the gates of hell and not back down.
No, I won’t back down.
No comments:
Post a Comment