I'm Fine! (Perquimans Weekly 6/4/2020)

While working on a project recently, I thought of Jim Mills. Many of you might remember him. He moved to Florida several years back, but when he lived here, he’d greet others by saying “I’m Fine!” We’d kid with him and say “I didn’t ask!” and we’d laugh. 

I’m involved with kids ministry at our church. We are wearing masks to church as a safety precaution. I realized that kids can’t see me smile while wearing a mask, so I drew a smile on it. 

I tried on my happy, smiling face and then complained that my glasses fogged up. I worried it would be hot. I wondered if we would have a lot of kids there. What if they didn’t like anything we did for them? 

I caught sight of my reflection in the glass of the door, frowny forehead and giant fake smile and I froze. 

“I’m fine!” popped into my head. I’m not fine, but there was the fake grin meant to make others feel better. The fake grin that is hiding my real feelings. The facial recognition on my phone added insult to injury - it didn’t recognize the real me behind that mask. 

“I’m fine!” We say that a lot, don’t we? Others do, too. We ask “how are you?” without waiting for a real answer. We expect “I’m fine!” even if it’s fake. Do we want to know the truth behind the fake smile? 

I realize this is dangerously close to sounding like a sermon, and I’m not a pastor, but we have a hurting world. This year alone has been a doozy of a historical event, but there is still suffering that is unrelated to pandemics and economic busts. Those issues just make it worse. Cancer still exists, people are burying loved ones without the support of others, and racism is STILL a massive issue in this nation. 

We are not fine. We are worn. There is a song by the band Tenth Avenue North called “Worn” and I love the lyrics of the chorus.

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

This song reminds me that while we are tired and worn, there is a natural seeking of hope that helps make us human. My hope lies in Jesus Christ, but I know that the desire of hope is within us all. We may not have a good source, but we search, even subconsciously, for hope. 

We all wear masks. We did that even before we had heard of Covid-19. We wear visible and obvious ones now, sometimes with a smile drawn on them. I want to remind you that it’s ok that we’re not fine right now, but that there is hope.