Here’s a free tip from your friendly neighborhood columnist: if you find a kitten in the bushes during a cursed year, put it back in the bushes.
I’m kidding (sorta) because the kitten we found this summer has been a ton of fun and laughter. He’s certifiably crazy, though, and I think it’s time I shared our family’s struggle with all of you.
Gunner (his nickname Gunny Bunns because it seems like pets get far more nicknames than is reasonable) has adapted quite well in some cases from the great wild to the inside. He likes to immediately sit in your seat when you get up, even if you were coming right back, because it’s warm and cozy. He enjoys having his crunchies refilled on demand and being served only his favorite flavor of canned food. The smaller humans here have a variety of soft places to nap, like beanbags and fluffy blankets, but he also has two beds of his own. There is no end to the toys and people willing to entertain him. He bounces all over the furniture and climbs everything. It is a jungle gym for this jungle cat.
Is all of that enough for the grey gremlin? No! He demands sacrifices! We must hide our toilet paper from him! In the year of our Lord, two thousand and twenty, despite a KNOWN toilet paper crisis that has been explained to him a multitude of times, THIS CAT will turn our toilet paper into rolls of lace. We have a box of shredded TP for emergencies, but honestly, I cannot imagine what would possess me to use a fluffy handful. I tell you truthfully that I would cry.
All of this to say that the giant squirrel who lives here is a threat to all that is holy.
Holy….like Christmas. I panicked as I thought of our tree crashing down. There’s no way that the silver devil wouldn’t attempt to take down a celebration to baby Jesus! How must I thwart Revelation from panning out before my children’s eyes in our living room?! I headed to the sacred source of answers of all things at home: Pinterest.
There it was…a CACTUS! Well…A CATus, if you will. PVC pipe, green rope, a wood base…I imagined Gunner-friendly cat ornaments. Hmm, I don’t believe those exist, so cat toys instead. I showed Craig and the boys, and they were immediately on board. The idea is that he has his CATus in place of our smaller tree in the den. We still have our big tree in the safely closed off front room (God bless mid-century styled homes with two living areas. A modern great room would be a great CATastrophe!)
We put it all together and offered it to our ashen overlord. I am here to tell you he was INSTANTLY obsessed! He played on that thing for probably 45 minutes before napping. He jumps on it multiple times a day!
We excitedly put our big tree up and Gunner walked in to check it out. So far, he is ok with us having something for ourselves. We hope he will continue to bless us with this time of peace. Merry CATus to one and all!!
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