She’s a Brick House

 

As I smiled today at the magnolia-perfumed air, I suddenly remembered the date! We moved into our home 14 years ago today. I wasn’t feeling great in the 1st trimester pregnant with Carson, but we did so much with the help of family. 

Prior to that, we lived in the upstairs of my sister’s home for 6 months, one week, and 5 days. 

Prior to that, we were in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, where Craig was seriously injured and then medically retired from the Coast Guard. 

This home is special. It was an answer to prayer probably for my great aunt & uncle that built it in 1965. It was an answer to prayer & a refuge for us in 2007. 

It was so hard to go through something so traumatic while feeling homeless, jobless, and without a focus. Our belongings were in Massachusetts, our suitcases were the basics. My grandfather died, there were more losses, and then I found out I was pregnant, happily but still overwhelming! Craig’s pain was constant and progressive and there seemed little hope.

Our Pastor in Cape Cod touched my heart with a sermon before we left about how God prepares dry ground for us. It was about Noah stuck in the ark, but I see the theme in other areas too. I grasped on to that idea in ways he’ll never know. 

This house was a hope of dry ground. It became a home again. It’s filled with insanity, often a wreck, and it isn’t usually quiet. Things break, stuff is dented, and it’s far from perfect. 

This stack of bricks & stone reminds me again today that God comes through with dry ground. It isn’t always a house, a cure, or children. It’s usually just a peace; a profound knowledge that He is in all things in ways we cannot imagine. I tell my children & I tell my grandchildren that God can do amazing things if we wait on Him. If we wait for dry ground.

So while it was a beautiful day, we tackled some jobs at home. Things too long postponed because life & lazy. There’s always those things, and despite my whine & complaints, I’m beyond thankful for this dry ground. 

“He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’”

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭4:21-22‬ ‭‬‬

Try Something New 1/28/21

“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” I ask myself this question every so often when I feel restless. I’m not sure when I heard the question for the first time, but I know writer, TED-speaker, and business executive, Seth Godin, says it. If you need a kick in the initiative, check out his books.

I’m not a bungie-jumping type of adventurer, but I do like trying new things that seem interesting. I think it’s good for the brain! Most of the time, we aren’t a raving success at something new, but just the synapsis involved in working at something unfamiliar can help keep the brain young.

After Craig was injured in Massachusetts, I worked hard to keep up his morale. It was hard and I was often just as scared and also a helpless bystander to his pain. Living that isn’t easy, as I know many of you have experienced, as well. Watching a loved one suffer with something you cannot help does something to you.

For Christmas back then, Dad had given me cash to buy something nice for myself. He wasn’t sure if I needed winter clothing or something I had my eye on, but cash is always the right size. I set it aside until I decided what to get. A few months later, a friend told me she was signing up for figure skating lessons and wanted to know if I’d like to try? I could barely stand on skates, so WHY NOT?! I spent the cash on the sign up fee and figure skates. Daddy just knew he had bought me a broken leg. 

Let me tell you about ten weeks of figure skating classes: it was a comedy of errors. I was absolutely terrible! My friend and I, both southerners in our 20s, were in a class full of children! We had so much fun! While I grieved the loss of my figure skating olympic career through tears of laughter, I also felt much better in tackling the hard things in life. I learned something big from my friend: try something new.

I wisely only use my ice skates for decor these days. How many people even have figure skates in Hertford, NC? But they are a constant and sweet reminder to break out of the norm and try something new. 

Over the current pandemic, I have been drawn to things I wouldn’t have considered in “the before time” as we call it. In the last two weeks, I've been learning needle felting. It is the sculpting of wool with repeated pokes of a tiny, barbed needle. I’ve made a heart, an owl, an adorable snow lady, and a coffee mug, thus far, with more little projects planned. I’m home more than ever these days and this is a creative outlet I enjoy! I listen to podcasts or sing along with the radio while I work. Needle felting is a calming and satisfying art with a long history. I got so into learning from YouTube videos that I wondered about sheep farming. (It’s ok to let some ideas go right out the way they came in.)

Today, my oldest tried skeet shooting. He’s already working hard with the middle school rifle team, but he had never used a shotgun. He was fantastic! My youngest has learned he likes public speaking and doing things on stage (no surprises there)!  It’s great when we try something and succeed, but it’s ok to look like a baby giraffe on ice skates, too. 

As I consider my next felting project, I encourage you to keep your eyes and ears open for fresh opportunities. What will be the next thing YOU do for the very first time? It’s never too late to try something new!

Living The Dash 1/21/21

Living The Dash 

Have you ever looked to see who shares a birthday with you? I recently did because it’s close to my birthday. What a varied group of people! Cary Grant, Kevin Costner, Daniel Webster (who wrote the dictionary), A. A. Milne (who wrote Winnie the Pooh), and even Elsa Einstein, the wife of the famous guy. 

None of this means anything, really, since I don’t care about horoscopes or the like, but it’s a fun kinship I share with another. I wondered as I read through the list, many names I didn’t know at all, about tombstones.

Sheesh Ashlea, that’s macabre! I mean, it is, but as I read the birthday and death days of these people, I wondered about the dash in the middle. It’s been said many times that the dash between those dates is what we live, so we have to make the dash count. There is a well known poem called “The Dash” by Linda Ellis that highlights the idea. Maybe it’s because I’m the bright-eyed and bushy tailed age of 43, and feeling it, but the dash really matters to me. 

I read the names, the date of birth, the date of death, and the notation of who they were: football player, actor, author, musician, wife of Albert Einstein (though I’m sure she had a complete story of her own). I noted when it said “parent of” with a smile. Sometimes the greatest thing we ever do isn’t a thing, but who we raise.

Have you ever thought much about Joseph and Mary in the Bible? Mary is mentioned often, but in a patriarchal society, it’s interesting to me that Joseph vanishes from the story early on. We don’t know much about him as a person outside of his relationship to Mary. He was super important to the story, though. He helped to raise Jesus! I bet he has a whole story prior to that. One that sets the stage for him to be able to have that privilege in the life of Christ.

I was a musical theatre student in college. No surprise to anyone around me very often; I was a center-stage type of person. My skill set is largely in the lights even now. I love being the person who is involved with other people in a variety of ways. I love to talk, entertain, and communicate ideas and emotions. I love to teach, as well. Theatre honed so much of that, but it also gave me an appreciation and heightened awareness of the “behind the scenes” people. Lights, costumes, set builders, prop masters, box office ticket sellers, and ushers. Joseph was a behind the scenes person, I think. Those people are around us all the time! They are cooking in restaurants, sorting mail, driving buses of children, and often, raising them. 

As I think about my dash and the dashes of those I know, love, and admire, I want to fill my own with center stage awesome things that help the lives of others be better. But I’m also proud to be known as the behind the scenes support and loving wife and mother of terrific guys. I want my dash and their dashes to be filled with intentional living with passion and hope.

“So when your eulogy is being

Read, with your life’s actions

To rehash, would you be

Proud of the things they say

About how you lived your 

Dash?”

Misson: Possible 1/14/21

Ethan Hunt, Jim Phelps, Dan Briggs… these guys were all the ones challenged, if they chose to accept it, a mission to save the world. The familiar theme of Mission: Impossible is so very well known, you can probably hum it.

I thought about the overwhelming mission that lies before us in this nation this week. I’m sure there are many offering opinions in pages like these all over the world. We’ve had a reputation for most of the existence of the United States of being relatively stable at home. That’s not the view or reality anymore. It’s overwhelming, especially for those of us sitting at home or work. I look at my coffee and wonder what we can do. That’s a lot to ask of coffee!

I think our mission now is basic self control. We have free speech still in this country in overwhelming amounts, proven by you reading my words in a newspaper. I can even say Jesus is the Son of God and this will print. Speaking of Jesus & freedom, Galations 5:13 says “You my brothers and sisters are called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love.”

Screens give us an indulgent sense of protection that you just don’t have in person. I’ve read things said to me online that just wouldn’t have happened in real life. I’ve said things, too, that I regret. I don’t know anyone who isn’t guilty of being harsher than necessary with the weapon of a keyboard.

The pandemic has made it worse. It keeps us from sitting across from people and hearing their words in person. Listening to their stories while looking them in the eyes. We don’t recognize or value the individual humanity as much as we should. We can be a mob, thinking like a mob, about another mob. Mobs are known for bad decision making, among other things. Mob mentality is dangerous.

Back in my first column last year, I suggested turning off the news. I once again affirm that advice. I also think we should step away from social media.

I know you might be arguing (or agreeing), depending your generation. I’m two years older than the oldest millennials. I am the tail end of Gen X. I’ve been on social media since the MySpace days and things have changed DRASTICALLY. I cannot over emphasize that. Running to different social media hideouts to yell amongst our echo chambers isn’t helping. Avoiding it altogether isn’t reasonable either. So what do we do?

Self control. I took it off my phone. I know that’s a simple thing, but it stops the casual doom scrolling. It lightens the tension I feel in my body and mind. I’ve found new shows to watch with the family and new crafts to try. We’re bringing back our game night and looking for opportunities to safely interact and serve others in public. When we talk to each other - lets remember we are ALL created in the image of God. When we listen to people we disagree with, let’s remind ourselves that we aren’t at war with flesh and blood. This is far bigger than us. How do we know when we have it right? When the fruits of the spirit become more evident: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. That last one is a doozy. It’s your mission, if you choose to accept it.

525,600 Minutes January 7, 2021

That’s the number of minutes in an average year. You might also know it as the lyrics in the song for “Seasons of Love” in the Broadway Show, RENT. It’s catchy and I’ve never forgotten it. At the end of December and first of January, I’m usually singing it out loud or in my head, hyper aware of the time that lies before us. I’m not as aware of the time as it slips by and that’s both good and bad. I don’t want to live life with a metronome counting seconds, but it’s also hard to make sure seconds and minutes are spent doing the things we know are important. 

That’s the whole idea behind New Year’s resolutions, I think. We decide how we want to spend those 525,600 minutes, making them work for us rather than the continuous marching of time that slips by unaware. It’s a noble desire! It’s also defeating at the start unless we have some type of plan going in. Even then, it’s so hard to change because it takes 21 days to change a habit, at least, and that’s certainly not happening on 1 January.

I kicked the idea of resolutions to the side years ago. Then I discovered One Word in 2013. The idea of that is to pick a word that encompasses what you want to do in the year to come. It’s been helpful and I usually find it though Bible study and prayer. I’m NOT saying my word comes from God, but I do think He might find ways to teach me through it. Always has! I’ve had words like Trust, Confidence, Diligence, Focus, Obedience, Embrace, and each of them has been a powerful lesson all year. Last year I had a tough time picking a word (imagine that), so this year I started strong with a good word.

Nourish! 

I want to nourish my body with healthy choices and smart decisions. I say that as I snack on Holiday Mint M&Ms because no one is perfect and this is a journey. I can assure you that my fasting blood test for my upcoming doctor’s visit is already jacked up, so I’m finishing off the old whilst preparing for the new. My step counting FitBit has been very happy with me as of late and that’s comforting. So while my intake isn’t yet onboard, my activity is improving.

I want to nourish my mind. This last year has been a dumpster fire and I sabotaged myself in that stressful situation by “doom scrolling” headlines more than I should. This year, I’m already guarding my mind more. I have a stack of books to hit that I’m really excited about and I found a new to me show on PBS Masterpiece Mystery that I enjoy. I even found books to go with the show! Grantchester has been out a while, but I’m enjoying the find. 

I also want to nourish myself spiritually. In my book stack are ones written to help me grow in my faith during this time. I’m excited to be back in Kid’s Ministry at my church and working on safely teaching Bible principals. Nothing is a better teacher for yourself than teaching someone else. We recently talked about what it really looks like to Love God and Love Others. A practically powerful and convicting lesson for elementary that would benefit adults just as much. 

I have much to nourish this year. I have to nourish to flourish! My hope for each of you this year is to flourish immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine! Nourish yourself and others to make it happen. The best is yet to come!

What's Next? 12/31/2020

I’m a fan of The West Wing, which recently left Netflix for Peacock streaming. One of the things President Barlet regularly says throughout the show is “What’s Next?” He says that when he’s ready to move on to whatever else is there for him among his administration inside the White House. 

I’ve begrudgingly wondered that throughout 2020. Murder Hornets? Sheesh, what’s next? I know better than to speak that out loud into the universe. I’m a lot of things, but that’s too brave to me. Like Michael Scott from The Office says “I’m not superstitious, but I’m a little stitious.” I’m definitely a little stitious about things sometimes. I don’t walk under ladders, I don’t watch Washington Football games, and I don’t say “What’s Next?” out loud.

But to be really honest, I’m wondering what’s next for 2021. I think we all are anxiously looking ahead, between our fingers perhaps? Wouldn’t you like to see what awaits us before we agree to it?!

Life doesn’t work that way at all, does it? Life is unpredictable, plans are often ruined, and who even knows what’s happening in our government? 

So as I think “What’s Next?” With more than a touch of dread, I have to look toward the one who already knows. None of this has been a surprise to God. Why didn’t He stop it? I don’t know, honestly. I imagine he has stopped many things we’ll never know about. I do know that when God allows something bad to happen, it can be used for good. That doesn’t negate the pain and grief for many who have lost loved ones and experienced struggle. God is close to the broken-hearted. He can also bring good out of bad. Ive already seen it in many ways. 

Churches finally have an online presence most anywhere! Consider the opportunity that brings for reaching people who can never get to church. Curbside delivery is outstanding and I hope it never goes away. It helps so many who struggle with mobility. I think we’re also finally seeing a better acceptance and understand for mental illness and depression. Most people have been touched with that or anxiety this year in some respect, so it makes sense. 

I think we are all very aware that human contact is essential, more than ever before. I’ve never thought of myself as especially touchy, but I miss high fives, hugs, and handshakes. It was a way we acknowledged each other with touch. I’m respectful of others’ space and risk factors, of course, but it’s a noticeable thing for me.

When I look at What’s Next for 2021, I’m making goals that can be reached without leaving home. I hope to write more and definitely read much more! We’re looking forward to doing special, fun things at home, but also hoping to get away more. (If at all possible.)

I’ve thought a lot about Proverbs 31:25 today. “She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” I know there is much to fear if we let it overwhelm us, but for “What’s Next?” I challenge you to laugh without fear instead! Let’s have the Hap Hap Happiest New Year we possibly can! Much love from our family to each of yours! See you on the flip side.

Let it Snow (December 24, 2020)

And Since We Have No Place To Go…

The last time I wrote about snow for the paper, we had a storm come through and drop 11 inches on our area, effectively shutting it down for a bit. I’m not saying that my writing was the reason for that, but I’m so also not apologizing. Instead, I’m doubling down and flexing the power of the muse, or just hoping for that sweet luck again.

I love snow. It’s not popular to like it here and I understand that opinion. It can be icy and yuck. People who do not know how to drive in snow insist on doing exactly that for no reason. There is no safe way to drive on ice, period, but super slow is best if you have to do it. 

That being said, snow is magic here! It’s rare and so many meteorological things have to be exactly perfect for it to happen. Then, when those pieces click into place, the world is a snow globe. Snow, with it’s swirling flakes of all different patterns, is pure and beautiful. It swirls in the air in a dance with the wind and covers the landscape in a blanket of glittering white powered sugar. 

Hygge is a danish term I’ve tried to embrace this year. It’s a quality of coziness. Comfortable contentment and wellbeing is important to their culture. I figured with so much out of my control this year, we would do our best to find a cozy contentment. Certain things can spark that feeling in all of us. I have found that I like a neat, but not sparse, home. I’m not minimalist, but prefer having things around me that make me happy. I love having music on and candles lit. Super soft throw blankets and pillows around the seating & floor are cozy to me. I love reading with a cup of hot tea or coffee, a cat or dog snoozing nearby, and the sounds of happy people in the background. Hot summer isn’t Hygge to me, but fall and winter very much are that. I love the rich colors, sparkling lights, and fun traditions.

I also love snow.

I don’t really think being freezing cold is fun, but coats, sweaters, and boots are cozy. I can get warm enough to be outside for a while. Like the song sings, “Snowflakes that stay on our nose and eyelashes,” are a few of my favorite things! I love making snowmen and ladies, snow balls, and especially the southern treat of snow cream. We keep Eagle Brand Condensed milk & vanilla flavoring at the ready in the winter. I read once that in Europe, it was once made with booze. (Look, I’m just trying to win over the snow haters.)

When Craig and I were stationed in Massachusetts, it snowed 42 inches in 24 hours. It snowed everyday for 3 weeks after that. There was still snow everywhere for Easter! I’m not in the slightest advocating for that kind of blizzard here. I wouldn’t be mad (I’d laugh a ton), but it’s not necessary and it’s very unlikely. I would just be so happy with about a foot that melts in a week. Be honest with yourself in this pandemic life: we have no place to go. Let it snow! Merry Christmas and God bless us, every one!

Ornaments! (December 2020)

 

I’m not a super nostalgic type person, but there is just something different about Christmas. I am a big fan of ornaments. I love Christmas and winter decor overall, but there’s something very special about ornaments. They are treasured items I unpack once a year and get “all in my feels” about every year, typically with my favorite Christmas albums in the background. 

Since we first got married, Craig and I have collected ornaments. We each brought many from our childhood to the tree, but the ones we’ve chosen together hold a special meaning. While I love the shiny baubles of packaged ornaments for extra fill in, carefully selected memories fill our tree every year. We were given a sweet “Just Married” ornament as a wedding gift and then we bought more on our honeymoon. That began our tradition of finding ornaments as souvenirs from places we go and things we do. It’s easy to pack up as a prior military couple expecting to move all around. Ornaments are something you can reminisce over with all the emotions the holidays can bring. 

We’ve inherited ornaments from others long gone. I remember them on my grandparents’ tree. Others I found from my great Aunt Mildred. Forgotten ornaments that shine once again. I wonder about the stories while I admire them. Were they gifts, perhaps?

We bought ornaments when we lived in New England, stationed in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, with the Coast Guard. The collection includes many towns we visited and the base itself. We have so many Coast Guard ornaments, the tree probably salutes the Commanding Officer if he drives by the house. I’ll likely still buy more, to be honest.

I have helpers to decorate the tree these days. We tell them stories about ornaments we’ve collected from our childhood, our life together, given from others, even those the boys have made themselves. The boys hang ornaments, arguing over who places what where. I fuss that there’s no need to put 25 ornaments crammed together in one section. Before long, I kick them out and redo the whole thing muttering to myself, while Harry Connick, Jr croons in the background. It’s just the beauty of the season, you know? 

However, sometime later, I grab a boring drink in a fancy glass and I dim the lights. I might start the music again, perhaps Sinatra’s Christmas Waltz or a favorite collection of Christmas carols about the birth of Jesus. I sit in the light of the tree looking at the sparkling memories of fun and adventure. Sometimesboys have made, or even the ones celebrating their December birthdays. 

Do you have a favorite ornament or one that makes you smile big? I have ornaments from many things around Perquimans County. My youth group, Hertford Baptist Church, Perquimans County High School, even Mr. Jimmy (known to the world as Catfish Hunter). There are soccer ornaments for Carson, loud ornaments for Andrew, and we have a whole box of just Star Wars tree decor! 

This year I treated myself to a typewriter ornament. While I certainly don’t use that to write these columns, I do have a typewriter. It’s symbolism that when I feel like there is nothing good, I still have words and the ability to put them together. I challenge you to look for an ornament that highlights something good this year. Even if you write it with a sharpie on a shiny ball. I’ll probably do that myself. 

Smells Like Teen Spirit! (12/10/20)

As you read these words, I want you to know I’m now different. I’m not the Ashlea Davis of yesteryear or a few days before. I am brand new. What could I possibly be so dramatic about, you wonder? Well, I’ll tell you, but to be honest, I might cry.

Hello. My name is Ashlea. I am the mother of a teenager. 

My first born is now 13. He is a quaran-TEEN of 2020, because celebrating such a momentous occasion is a bit lame this year. Nevertheless, Carson is a teenager.

Being a teenager and all, I won’t make this about him specifically. He’d laugh and do a little eye roll, perhaps. Deserving, for sure. I’ve told him I don’t know how to be a mother of a teenager and I covet his thoughts and prayers during this time.

First borns are an interesting breed, aren’t they? I would know, I am one. They are an entire experiment and we’re all honestly lucky to be here. The lives of second borns and beyond are considerably easier in many respects and you are WELCOME for that privilege. I used to give my parents a bit of a hard time over how differently my sister, Amanda, was parented through the stages that I had passed 4 years prior. Mom would shrug and say she learned things the first time. Dad would shrug and say she’s the favorite. It’s a long standing “joke” in my family. I find it “very funny.”

Family dysfunction aside, Mom is right & Dad is not. I do things with my oldest that I realize are dumb, so I fix it with my youngest. I’m sorry. I’ve explained to Carson that it would be even dumber to continue the dumb thing a second time just to be even and he laughingly agreed. I’ve told him many times that when he hits new stages, it’s new for me, too. I may have seen his stage before, but not as the parent. I’m learning, reading, talking to other families, leaning in to who my children are, and covering all of that with a HUGE dose of prayer and gratitude at the opportunity.

13 years ago, I was recovering from a bit of a traumatic birth and was holding the most beautiful person I had ever seen. 13 years ago, I didn’t have a clue, but we had a bunch of useless ideas. 13 years ago, Craig and I were entirely stunned, overjoyed, and terrified that we were parents. We’re entering teenage years about the same. Stunned and overjoyed at the person we’ve helped get to this age. We’re a bit nervous at what lies ahead… but it’s exciting too. He’s come so far! He’s one of my favorite people to talk to about his interests. 

My heart almost cannot handle the joy I have over this incredible teenager & his not so little brother who also will be 9 this month. Two December birthdays and one is a teenager. Onward to this fresh adventure!

Merry CATus! (Perquimans Weekly 12/3/2020)

Here’s a free tip from your friendly neighborhood columnist: if you find a kitten in the bushes during a cursed year, put it back in the bushes.

I’m kidding (sorta) because the kitten we found this summer has been a ton of fun and laughter. He’s certifiably crazy, though, and I think it’s time I shared our family’s struggle with all of you.

Gunner (his nickname Gunny Bunns because it seems like pets get far more nicknames than is reasonable) has adapted quite well in some cases from the great wild to the inside. He likes to immediately sit in your seat when you get up, even if you were coming right back, because it’s warm and cozy. He enjoys having his crunchies refilled on demand and being served only his favorite flavor of canned food. The smaller humans here have a variety of soft places to nap, like beanbags and fluffy blankets, but he also has two beds of his own. There is no end to the toys and people willing to entertain him. He bounces all over the furniture and climbs everything. It is a jungle gym for this jungle cat.

Is all of that enough for the grey gremlin? No! He demands sacrifices! We must hide our toilet paper from him! In the year of our Lord, two thousand and twenty, despite a KNOWN toilet paper crisis that has been explained to him a multitude of times, THIS CAT will turn our toilet paper into rolls of lace. We have a box of shredded TP for emergencies, but honestly, I cannot imagine what would possess me to use a fluffy handful. I tell you truthfully that I would cry.

All of this to say that the giant squirrel who lives here is a threat to all that is holy. 

Holy….like Christmas. I panicked as I thought of our tree crashing down. There’s no way that the silver devil wouldn’t attempt to take down a celebration to baby Jesus! How must I thwart Revelation from panning out before my children’s eyes in our living room?! I headed to the sacred source of answers of all things at home: Pinterest.

There it was…a CACTUS! Well…A CATus, if you will. PVC pipe, green rope, a wood base…I imagined Gunner-friendly cat ornaments. Hmm, I don’t believe those exist, so cat toys instead. I showed Craig and the boys, and they were immediately on board. The idea is that he has his CATus in place of our smaller tree in the den. We still have our big tree in the safely closed off front room (God bless mid-century styled homes with two living areas. A modern great room would be a great CATastrophe!) 

We put it all together and offered it to our ashen overlord. I am here to tell you he was INSTANTLY obsessed! He played on that thing for probably 45 minutes before napping. He jumps on it multiple times a day! 

We excitedly put our big tree up and Gunner walked in to check it out. So far, he is ok with us having something for ourselves. We hope he will continue to bless us with this time of peace. Merry CATus to one and all!!

Save The Cheesecake! (11/12/2020)

There have been so many words spilled on the total mess this year has been. It’s just a strange time. We often have relatively decent years as a collective whole in terms of stress level in this nation. Sure things can be crazy, but it isn’t usually the black cloud like it has seemed to be. It’s even funny how bad it is - if you have a twisted sense of humor like I do. 

Our refrigerator died last week. I can’t really cry about it because it was 31 years old! Who has a refrigerator that old? I was 11 years old when my great aunt put the fridge in this kitchen. They don’t make them like they used to, for sure. We figured it would go, we’ve waited for it to for sometime. But it decided to go this year when we have a lot of others things going on. Of course. We have terrific friends that truly rock, I’m so thankful. We’ve had offers of used fridges and all kinds of help moving it. It’s a bit funny that we’ve never purchased our own fridge. In 17+ years of marriage, we’ve lived in rentals, in base housing, my sister’s upstairs, and now our own home. So we’ve now ordered our very own fridge with a working ice maker and everything! It will hopefully be here when you read this! 

It’s funny to be SO HAPPY about a refrigerator, I know, but it has reminded me so much about gratitude. This is a month of thankfulness and Thanksgiving, but truth be told, I was a bit grumpy. I’ve been TIRED of Covid worries, of election stress, of a year that just would not seem to let up. I strained my back and my fridge went out the same week, so it forced me to sit back and think for a bit. 

Our kids typically like bringing lunches from home. That wasn’t easily worked out with no fridge. So they were thrilled to discover some of their favorite things on the school lunch menu! They’ve come home RAVING about how good the food is here in Perquimans! Huge shout out to the school nutrition team! They’ve knocked it out of the park. Even my pickier eater has been pretty pleased. 

Craig is an amazing cook. He had decided to make me my most favorite no crust New York style cheese cake. The refrigerator died, which was a flat out cheesecake emergency! To save the cheesecake, we started dividing it up quickly. I informed my parents that they would be part of a cheesecake rescue mission, for which they were naturally overjoyed and stepped up to the cause. My children suddenly became quite adept at fractions as we figured out how much to eat now or send away. Then my parents got a chunk of cheesecake that was super delicious. I’ve never imagined eating cheesecake in an emergency to save it, but it was a great way to toast the memory of a 31 year old refrigerator. 

On A Mission From God (11/6/2020)

I’m writing to you from the past and the future at the same time. I do every week, but it’s never as obvious to me as an election week. I’m writing on Sunday, but you’ll know the results by the time your eyes see these words. Hopefully. So what do I say today that will still be true on Thursday? How can I speak to the future I don’t know in a clear way? 

This past weekend was Halloween. My two boys were dressed up as the famed Blues Brothers. A Saturday Night Live creation of Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi, they were a stage act that became a movie. I won’t spoil it for you, but one of the famous lines they say is “We’re on a mission from God!” My youngest said that instead of “Trick or Treat” and they both enjoyed dancing to “Soul Man” a lot! 

As I thought about this article, I searched my mind for what would be the same now and when you read it. The only real answer to that is God. So while this is debatably not a mission from God, directly, I do have some thoughts that could only be Him that I want to share. 

I’m deeply interested in politics. I always have been because politics is people. Everything is political, but not everything is partisan. I think that’s important to note. Jesus was very political, but not partisan whatsoever. He still isn’t. I know you probably think your party is more Christ-like than the other party. It’s easy for us to get caught into that line of thinking. We start to add on to our faith: “you can’t be a good Christian if you aren’t in X party and voting for X.” I don’t care how you solve for X, adding things to what Christ has done isn’t ok. It slips into dangerous territory. I’m not fussing at you or preaching - I’ve done the SAME THING. Thankfully, someone was wise enough to speak truth in my life. Jesus alone is enough to be a Christian. Christ is sufficient.

Oh we worry, don’t we? It’s ok to love our nation and the life we live. We do not like when things aren’t what we want them to be. It’s easy to think that we control all of that, but we don’t. We participate, and I hope you did that by voting, but we don’t control it. My pastor, Rob Tucker, said something powerful in his message this week. “We don’t always have the power to control things, but we always have the power to surrender.”

Whew! Surrender is NOT a fun American word! I don’t like it at all. Even as a Christian, I struggle with surrender. I’m fine with God’s will as long as it’s also MY will! I bet you can identify with that. 

There’s a decent chance you aren’t happy this week. Or maybe you are? None of it matters unless we’re willing to let God be in charge of this imperfect experiment we call the United States. We all have to surrender our pride to those that win AND those that lose. True kindness to those that think differently than us, both online and in person, will be paramount moving forward. 

I know this isn’t an upbeat, heroic mission from God delivered by cool guys in fedoras and sunglasses, but God rarely works that way. However, since I’m their mom, I’ll leave you with my Blues Brothers for fun. 

Spooky Season (10/29/2020)

Ahhh! The Spooky Season! The pumpkin spiced holiday of candy and frights! The day of the dead, a full moon ahead, a feeling of (kinda fun) dread!

I can hear Michael Jackson’s Thrilller in the background now, can’t you? The bass-driven thump, the crazy laughing, and the voice of Vincent Price being spooky at the end is the definitive Halloween sound track. That will be played a lot in my car over the weekend.

I don’t like scary movies or being scared at all. This year has been scary enough for me, can I get an AMEN? But here we are, pumpkins on the porches and costumes and candy purchased.

I’m not one that makes costumes usually, but when my children were very young, I did. In fact, Andrew was my father, John White the phone man! They have a very spooky resemblance and I had a ton of fun with it in Hertford.

We absolutely LOVE visiting the Hertford merchants downtown! It’s a super fun thing every year and helps kids learn who works where. I’m looking forward to the fun this year on Friday!

We plan to make spooky treats here and have some fun with funny spooky movies. Nothing too scary, but I think we’ll enjoy Beetlejuice and Labyrinth, both from our childhood days. I’ve never liked movies that are too scary, but I did get into a brief thing with Hitchcock movies one year. That will change a person! Once you’ve seen The Birds, it’s a bit unnerving to see a bunch in one place. 

I don’t care for Stephen King stuff, but The Shining was unreal. It’s a fantastic scary movie!

I do have a known love of British murder mysteries. There’s something really great about the dark crime set amongst a proper accent and a spot of tea. I find it darkly amusing. It’s probably because of Sherlock Holmes. 

I know you think this column is about Halloween, but it’s really just a set up for a love letter to all things Sherlock. On Sunday nights, I loved watching Jeremy Brett on PBS Masterpiece Mystery!  The night had a spooky, dark-artsy Edward Gorey intro with the widow. I know you remember if you ever saw it. Daddy wanted me to read Homes, so I dove deeply into it all. I’ve read the entirety of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock work multiple times. It’s my MOST favorite. I loved the Holmes movies with Robert Downey Junior. I was a rabid fan of the BBC Sherlock series with Benedict Cummberbach. It was so brilliantly done!

Recently, Craig and I watched the Netflix movie Enola Holmes. It’s a fun and creative view of the Holmes brothers’ sister. It’s based on books I haven’t read yet, but hope to soon. I’m really hoping I can pull my children into my British mystery fandom in the months ahead. Mysteries, of the spooky and entertaining kind, are a wonderful way to make our brains think beyond what we want to see. Deductive thinking isn’t as elementary as one may have you to believe. It requires training…of the best kind! Maybe you’ll join us sometime at 221B Baker Street, won’t you?

The Electric Youth (10/22)

Music is one of my most favorite things. I love to sing, dance, and learn about music. Lately it has become a topic in our lives a lot. In the last several years, we’ve lost so many incredible artists. People who have brought an incontrovertible impact on music as we know it. I listen to them, they are the background for much of life, yet I realized that my kids don’t necessarily recognize them or understand the body of work they bring. 

We recently lost Eddie Van Halen. I grew up in the MTV era when it was actually Music Television, so I definitely remember Van Halen videos. It’s hard to explain this to kids, but in the morning drives, I’ve become a music history educator. Well, my music history. 

Thanks to streaming music, I can teach music in the car. It’s better overall probably. MTV didn’t teach me as much about music as it did informing me that WhiteSnake isn’t worried about women scratching the paint on the car. 

We started out with Van Halen. I tried to explain how much they brought to rock music. Carson nodded solemnly. Then I tried to explain David Lee Roth. You know, maybe MTV was handy, because you cannot explain Roth without video. 

The next day was Elton John. Another artist who really knows how to vibe in the video/visual format. The songs tell stories and I pointed that out while singing along. 

Day 3 was a personal favorite: Fleetwood Mac. Rumours came out the year I was born so I’ve never known a time without the Mac. I told Carson the numerous times I’ve wanted to see them in concert, but they’d break up again. He innocently asked why. Hmm. I don’t think a middle schooler is ready for the backstory of that band. So I shrugged. 

I’ve spent the weekend planning the next round of music. I’ll have both boys with me and they have a varied taste in music. I’m thinking we’ll kick it off with Queen! It’s so fun to talk about Freddie Mercury and the flashy show he’d bring to the stage. The creativity behind it all. They are familiar with Queen living with me as their mother, but I want them to enjoy the band. 

This may cost me readers, but I’ve never been a huge Beatles person. It has been suggested and  I do have things I like, of course. Their catalogue is gigantic! So I’ll pick and choose fun favorites and talk about the history. It’s not really my history. My history is more Aerosmith, U2, Tom Petty, and Madonna. 

No tour of Ashlea’s music favorites would be complete without the embarrassing stuff. In middle school, I abandoned all good sense and suddenly loved New Kids on the Block and Debbie Gibson. I had a bottle of Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth “perfume”. That’s in quotes because I’m not sure what it actually was, but a cat knocked it off my dresser and it broke. For weeks I regretted Electric Youth and even Debbie Gibson herself. It was hot pink, fruity -sweet rubbing alcohol in a rad bottle, I guess. There’s a lesson in this for the electric youth of today: Eddie Van Halen didn’t need a “perfume”.